Why 2 is ENOUGH

Very often, especially these past months, I`ve been asked a very frequent question: So, when is the 3rd one coming?......Yup, the million dollar question.

Honestly, I`ve asked myself this question too, many many times and given much thought to it. And the answer is NO MORE BABIES. I think I`ve had enough, especially since I`ll be 40 next year and it isn`t easy to raise 3kids on your own in a foreign land, and with one of those kids being a special needs kid. Before I got married, yeah, I thought I wanted 4 kids, now 2 is a blessing.

And I think the question comes often now because Lucas is turning 2.6 years old and that`s a pretty good age gap to plan for the next one. But I think it`s time to be selfish and think of myself.

For the past 5 years, I`ve been so busy changing diapers and wondering if I`m raising my kids right, if I`m doing all I can for Gabe, surviving on minimal sleep mostly. I want time to myself now. I want to enjoy time doing my own things, not continuing to change diapers and listen to a crying baby and waking up multiple times at night to feed a baby. I`m tired. Very tired. It hasn`t been easy with Gabe and I so want to spend more time with him since I`ve been neglecting him for so long.

They say that if you have had babies who sleep & eat when they are young, it is likely you will want more babies coz you had a good experience. But I didn`t. Both kids weren`t good breastfeeding babies (ok maybe it`s me), but they weren`t good milk drinkers too. And they were both horrid sleepers. I remember crying so often at night coz the moment I tried to fall asleep, I`d hear the wailing again and putting them to sleep was so hard. I remember at times being so sick and yet you had to deal with the kids, sometimes even crawling on the floor to move (me, not them).

Sometimes I think, maybe a 3rd child would be good for Gabe in that he would have another sibling to care for him. But then again, you can@t force your kids to stick to one another. And when they grow up, they may not even be in the same country. You can hope and pray but often it doesn`t turn out that way. so my thinking is to enable Gabe to be as independent as possible on his own and teach him as much as we can and just hope that when they both grow up, Lucas will always care for Gabe, even if they aren`t in the same place.

But I think for me, the biggest part of not wanting another child, is the FEAR. Even when I was pregnant with Lucas I was so fearful. That the baby I was carrying would have some genetic defect. I still recall, while waiting for the results of the blood test, I was fearful and so worried everyday. I can`t even explain it. I also recall asking the doctor during scans if there was anything wrong, asking them to please check the baby`s heart carefully. No one can understand this fear, not even Terry. I was carrying this child in my body and I felt it was my responsibility to ensure the baby was healthy. The utter relief when I got the blood test was such a burden being lifted off my shoulders.

Now approaching 40 and with my history of having a child with special needs, the risk is even higher. So yes, I`m going to selfish and not want a third child. All I want now is to spend time with my babies and focus more on Gabe. We`ve been blessed enough with 2 kids. Life is good now, I feel better than ever, I feel like I`m finally getting some ME time.

I love you boys very much，but Mummy has had enough...so no more siblings for you rascals.