The Many Faces of Gabriel On

Feeding Gabe is tough, he is refusing to co-operate to feed from the bottle. He fights me and drinks only 20ml or so, on a good day he managed 30ml. Please tell me what can i do? I read that sucking is a natural reflex for babies, but unfortunately for Gabe he has been tube-fed since he was born, so i think he doesn't like sucking and also he's lazy since he can get it from the tube. But if he does not improve, it's not gonna be good for him or me. I cannot imagine having to bring out the feeding tube machine everytime we go out. Plus, imagine how it'll look... So i keep forching him and he fights back, getting angry and crying. By the end, we're both frustrated. Plus, he's smart, too smart. He drinks abit at first, then by 20-30 mins, he starts to use his tongue n gums to block the teat,plus he knows how to move his head left n right to try shake me off. Then if i still insist, he starts to scrunch up his face and cry. At the end, he just plays "stone" as in he lies quietly, you can put the teat in but you ain't gonna get any movement from him:(.... Hah, Grandma tried also but nope, doesn't work as well, this lil boy is stubborn. I'm not sure how else to make him drink. Thinking of asking docs to starve him then maybe he will force himself...hahaha. Anyways, here are some pics and some video of him drinking reluctantly. Watch the videos and see him making funny faces and gestures to shake us off. He sucks like 3 times, then bites the teat or spits the milk out... Grandpa, hear his cries, he DOES have a temper. But don't worry he's all yours when u come visit...Xiao-Yi, you can have ur turn too:)

We have been terribly busy and tired visiting Gabe in the hospital everyday hence the lag in blogging.

But all is well, the lil spunk is doing good. Has quite a temper too and his cries are loud & fierce, just ask Grandma. He really does not like to be left alone for too long and is a fussy pot. He has made progress as in he no longer needs the pacifier taped to his mouth 24/7 now to stop his cries.

Only thing now is that he needs to practice his bottle feeding as his sucking is still weak and so far he is progressing, but slowly. Manages about 13-20ml per feed fromt he bottle, the rest of the balance 50ml is given via tube as he tires easily from sucking so we need to give him time. But i am hoping he does well enough to please the doctors so that he may be released within the next week or so.

So far ever since he was in the General Ward, we visit him at about 12-1pm, then stay till about 8pm or so. Grandma has been entertaining him as well but i think she's kinda tired...he's hard to please, really. And bottle feeding is hard too, he is smart, he uses his tongue n gums to block the teat, and when i do get past, he spits the milk out sometimes. So it takes loads of patience with this lil guy. Can't scold him coz then he gets pouty.

The auto swing crib has proven very very useful, we always on the music and swing him. Easier to get him to sleep...hmm maybe i need to invest in one too since it'll make my life easier. And this guy is hard to put to sleep, and is i think a light sleeper too.

It's a Happy Day

Gabe's op went well yesterday, we were told he would need to still stay in the hospital for observation for at least another 2 weeks or so. It seems so long, but as long he remains stable and will be home soon, it's fine.

Then today, when we went to see him, we got a surprise. He was wide awake and all tubes were off, all meds too. I got to hold my baby and boy was it good, i missed him so much.

After awhile, the nrses in ICU told us there wasn't enough space, he needed to be transferred to the general ward. That was good news coz it meant he was stable enough and secondly, anyone can visit him and terry, mummy & i could all see him at the same time too!! yay!! So off we went to settle him in his new bed.

This boy is so pouty, he making the "i'm gonna cry face" everytime so we had to soothe him often. He stayed awake for a long long time...2 hours plus. I think he got sick of sleeping all the time. Eventually after his milk and lots of patting and some singing (courtesy of grandma), he fell asleep, only to wake again. But we had to go off, so we left him there to fall asleep on his own.

We're hoping he can be discharged in a week or so, but he has to be able to drink from the bottle before heading home, so we'll have to try that and see.

But so far so good. This is one of our happiest days, ever...

Happy 1 Month Baby

Hi Darling Gabe,

Happy 1 Month!! We're so sorry we couldn't celebrate it, but don't you worry, we'll have a big big 1 Year Old birthday bash for you next year. And make it a really grand affair. In fact Mummy was thinking Tokyo Disneyland at the Snow White castle...hmm, is that possible? Daddy would have to rent it of course. Mummy will write to Disneyland and see k? And Daddy MAY fly all your aunties, uncles, grandparents and cousins over!! Generous Daddy, don't we love him?

But more important to Mummy & Daddy is the fact that you have come so far for such a small guy. We cannot believe how brave & strong you have been. We have truly been blessed with you and we couldn't have asked for more.

All we want is for you to grow up strong and healthy. It doesn't matter if you are slower than others, so long as you try to get there. Every step of the way we will be with you, you'll never be alone, we promise. We just have to work extra harder than others. But we'll never compare you baby coz you're in a very special category of your own, one that God put you in.

We do not know the path of our journey yet, but we have faith that everything will turn out as it should be. So long as the 3 of us are together, nothing matters.

I believe you were born to make a change, to who and how, I'm not sure, but i truly believe your minus will somehw turn into a big plus. No matter what the outcome, you're very much loved by us and the 3 of us will get through this journey. We'll come out stronger.

You're gonna rock this world and we will encourage you to always be the best that you can be. You truly are a blessing.

With all our love & hugs
Mummy & Daddy

Closing Surgery Tomorrow

Dr Murakami has informed us that they will do Gabe's surgery tomorrow to close off the wound. It'll take about 2 hours or so....I hate the waiting part, it's too stressful.

Thereafter we'll see his recovery and hopefully it'll be home for Gabriel soon after.

He's very much more awake nowadays, like today as we entered the PICU, the nurse was trying to soothe him as he had been crying. And even moreso when they cello-taped his bandage, i guess it hurt a lil. Poor baby, it'll get better.

So we have to be at the hospital at 8.30am tomorrow and wait there. Will keep you guys updated.

You go Gabe, Mummy & Daddy loves you to bits, you never cease to amaze us.

Punk Spunk

Another one of those days your hearts just melts with happiness. Gabe boy was fully fully awake and fussy today. But even bigger news, he is off the tube!! Yay!!



He looks alil pale today and seems to have abit of trouble breathing sometimes, but doctor says it's normal because he was on the respirator for a week so it takes abit of adjusting to. Other than that he is stable, this amazing wonderful lil boy of ours.

And they had a humidifier tube put very very near his face, so i think halfway, he got irritated, like really irritated and started to cry. His face went all red, but after the nurse lifted his head alittle and he knew he was getting some attention, he stopped crying and seemed subdued...hmm...have a feeling this lil bub is gonna be carried very often when he comes home. Mummy's gonna spoil him rotten.







By this Friday or next Tuesday if there is no bacteria culture, he will be taken to the OR to sew up the final stitches. So please everyone continue to pray for this tough lil boy that he remains healthy, strong & stable till then with no bacteria infections or complications.

Oh, How My Heart Swells With Pride & Love

Sometimes, it's the tiniest things that can just make your day worthwhile and today was just that...

We visited Gabe in the evening and first thing we saw, his rows of medications were no longer there! Just only 1 med left! Well done baby boy..

And secondly, he opened his eyes! Really opened, not just a one-eye peek. Well actually i have the respirator tube to thank for that. He is no longer on sedatives, so he can become conscious. And so happen the tube irritates him and sometimes he chokes on it..poor baby, Mummy understands...Naughty Tube...and it was at that moment he opened his eyes!!! I was waiting for that moment since 1-2 days back.

Ohhh, my heart just swelled with love when i saw his lovely eyes so big n beautiful. Plus, lil boy was moving alot and even managed to give a small smile:) How you made our day baby.

Doctors say he is very stable, Thank God, and tomorrow they will take off his tube. However, the surface of his wound isn't healing as well, so they are washing it everyday few times, they opened some stitches, but only at the surface, not deep, to ensure it is washed n cleaned properly. Everyday, they check his wound for bacteria too and so far so good, but they will need to do this for the next whole week to ensure there is no infection. So please pray for Gabe. He's come this far thanks to all the loving prayers you have prayed for him.



Oh Gabe, you've just made our day and we can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Lotsa Luff n Hugs

Soon...

We saw lil Gabe today and was happy coz the nurse informed us that he did open his eyes briefly. We didn't manage to catch that moment, but nonetheless, was overjoyed to know that he is slowly coming around. You go boy!!

They have started feeding him again today, yay!!!! 8 times a day, 10ml per time. Don't worry baby, drink up, Momma has plenty for you. It's time to fatten you up.

They took also his blood sample just now to test it for any bacteria. Pray pray please let everything be OK. If all is good, they will remove his oxygen tomorrow.

This lil amazing bub never fails to amaze us, so strong & courageous. We're so proud of you baby boy, Mummy & Daddy loves u so so much.

Slowly but Steadily

Gabe has been a really good boy. He's stable and doing well.Thank you God. Tomorrow, they will be slowly reducing his sedative, so this means over next 2 days or so he'll slowly open his eyes and be conscious...

I can't wait to look into those beautiful eyes again. Mummy misses u so much baby, can't wait to carry you, so you better get well soon yah...?

He's lost abit of weight so his chubby face doesn't look that chubby anymore, but dun you worry baby, Mummy's gonna fatten you up real soon...coz Momma has tons of milk waiting for you. And i seriosuly mean alot...even the nurses have banned me from bringing them anymore milk past few days coz they said their freezer is out of space, and frankly my freezer is out of space too, so i have been dumping those precious milk into the drain.

Gabe, Momma's officially a cow right now. So you really need to buck up and drink more.

Luff you baby

A Lil More Baby Boy..

This morning Gabe's wound was closed up at 10am, the op lasted for about an hour plus. Thereafter they had to monitor closely his blood pressure especially as it could fall. everything was OK after the op.

But when the surgeon briefed us again at 3.30pm, it seems Gabe's urine had decreased and he needed some meds to see if it would increase. So we saw him again at 5.30pm and doc told us yes it was increasing, so that was a good sign.

Basically over the next few days the most crucial point is the possibility of infection due to the fact that his wound had been opened for 3 days, so they had to be careful and monitor. Second is his pulmonary circulation. Hopefully everything remains stable over next few days and my baby will soon be home.

Terry & I are so tired, we've been at the hospital today from 9.30am to 6pm, nt including the days before. But we're pushing on for Gabe.

A very big THANK YOU to our family, relatives & friends who have been praying continuously for Gabe, you have no idea how much this means to us and what a difference your prayers & well wishes mean.

You Can Do It Baby Boy

Tomorrow is the day baby, stay well and strong and the surgeon will stitch you up tomorrow at 10am. Mummy and Daddy will be there to support you, don't worry.

You just need to stay stable, OK?

We cannot wait to hold you, it's been way too long. You've been so strong you know? We are so proud of you, our lil boy.

We'll continue to pray for you baby, sleep well rest well.

Mummy's Boy

Post Operation Day1

We visited Gabe at the hospital today and was told by the doctor that he is stable so far and if it continues they will stitch him up on Monday to close his chest. Stay strong Gabe, you're nearly done and soon you'll be coming home to Mummy.

He's sedated at the moment, with many tubes going in & out of him. Seeing him is just heartbreaking, so tiny and fragile, having to go through this operation.

We're still praying for you Gabe baby and we won't stop. You rest well tonight, Mummy & Daddy will see you agan tomorrow. We luff you baby.

Operation Day

Today was stressful and painful...If i happened to say labour was painful, it comes nowhere near to the pain i felt today.

Gabe's op was scheduled at 8.30am, we got to the hospital at about 8am and went in to see him before he was wheeled away. I cried as soon as i saw him, my poor baby, not knowing what he was about to go through. But from a mother's eyes, nothing pains you more than seeing your newborn son about to be cut open in the chest. I think Terry was feeling the same way as me as we stared down and whispered sweet loving words to him.

Then begins the long wait in the waiting room. Thank goodness i had the trouble of breast pumping to distract myself, but still it was torture waiting for the op to be over. At about 12.45pm 2 of the medical staffs came to see us, we immediately saw their faces and lost all appetite..it didn't look too good..apparently, the surgeon had inserted the BT Shunt, but the performance of Gabe's oxygen level wasn't at the target mark of at least 80% and above. It was only about 67%-70%. Therefore, they informed us that they'd need to put him on a bypass machine which would supply oxygen to him while they performed a modification.

We then waited...and waited ....and waited..no one came, no one called us. It was torture and we continued waiting till 5pm. In between that timing, Terry & I were a total wreck, asking what has happened? Did something go wrong? I mean plus minus, but an additional 4 hours didn't seem so great to us. We prayed and prayed, i have never prayed so hard in my entire lifetime. I listened to Come Holy Spirit over and over again..I was mentally so exhausted and physically too as the night before we didn;t get much sleep. I thought i was about to suffer a mental meltdown if i didn't hear anything soon.

At about 5.05pm, Dr Murakami our surgeon appeared. We braced ourselves. He apologised that the op took so long as there was unexpected problems. Instead of the original BT Shunt, he had to use a back up plan, which is called a Central Shunt. It's a modification to the BT Shunt, still using a 3.5mm GORTEX but cut differently and placed differently (pls refer to the below diagram).



As of now, Gabe is stable, but they have left his chest open, covered with a layer of GORTEX to protect it. However, post-op, the next few days are crucial in 2 aspects:
1) Infection: Due to the chest being open, Gabe's chance of catching any infection is higher, therefore great care has to be taken
2) Cardiac arrest: The Central Shunt procedure carries a higher risk of cardiac arrest compared to BT Shunt. Therefore, in case of any emergency they can access his heart fast and insert a small clip to make the shunt narrower, thus reducing the flow.

Thus, from today until Monday, it is a crucial time frame to see how Gabe responds. We pray that no complications occur and he remains stable till then.

This little baby boy of mine, is extra extra special, he's already been through so much at 2 weeks plus and in my heart of hearts i know he is a fighter. But more so, he's a special gift from God to us, so it has to mean something for Him to put us through this great challenge. But i believe, at the end of it, all 3 of us will come out stronger than ever. We have to believe & have faith in knowing that. We have to...

I think we're gonna learn so much more from this boy than he will from us.

I have a picture of Gabe with his eyes really open, specially from one of the nurses looking after him. She heard that we only got to see Gabe eyes open once, so very kindly took this pic of him, which i absolutely adore.



On another note, my hubby has been so superb from the time of birth till now. He's been juggling his schedule like a mad man. Managing his business, getting work started on his land to build his office, delivering Gabe's morning milk, picking me in the evenings and sometimes afternoons to visit Gabe and briging my mom to buy groceries...i couldn't do it without him at all and i think Gabe couldn't have gotten a better Dad and me a better husband....

Hubby...you are THE BEST, we love u very very much

To all my family members, thank you so very very much for your constant prayers for Gabe, your loving support and unwaivering love. I wish to God Gabe be stable next few days and we can finally have him home soon.