What to Expect When You're (NOT) Expecting

Feeling abit nostalgic today...remembering this period last year, perhaps also due to the March 11th tsunami that hit Japan. I was about 6 months preggers then, when it happened. We were at Yokohama in a steel structure office on the 2nd level when it shook violently and we had to hide under the table holding the edges. For a moment i thought the structure would definitely collapse. Thank God it didn't though it was a great scare and what was to follow was chaos and us running to Osaka and further south. Who knew i'd ever experience a strong earthquake. Not expecting it..

Also didn't expect motherhood to turn out the way it has, heck even my entire pregnancy wasn't expected. The weak bladder, swollen feet, pimples...NOT exactly thrilling.

And then the birth of Gabe. Traumatic. Heart breaking. Tears. Feeling of hopelessness coupled with an exhausting cycle of pumping, feeding, hospital visits, operations. Didn't expect motherhood to be so tough. Thought i'd breeze through it like a champion.

I think today it also just hit me hard coz we went to the disabled center to register Gabe for therapy. We spoke to one of the officers who took our details and told us that we are to visit them again on 20th April to let a doctor and some therapists perform some tests on Gabe to see which level of disability he has. What his strengths and weaknesses are so they can create an appropriate therapy program for him...I guess seeing some of the disabled people there and knowing that Gabe's intensive therapy will begin soon just shook my awareness level, that this will be a big part of Gabe's life from now on.

It's funny how before all this, we hear about Downs Syndrome, we know there are plenty of disabled people around...but well, we never gave a damn. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against them then. It's just that we pass them by not blinking an eye. Never asking much or finding out much. But here I am today IN a disability center, TALKING to someone to prepare my son for therapy soon. So funny how life turns out sometime huh? How aware now I am when i am walking or outside and i pass by a disabled child, curious to know what he has....how he/she coped. How perhaps the future will be for them and for Gabe. How scared sometimes I am for Gabe. How i panic over his drinking problems and weight issues and developmental issues. How i expected that my child would be like any other child, crawling and sitting by now. But then, life's unexpected right? Someone should have written a book on how to deal with the unexpected....

It's also the stress i am feeling with Gabe not drinking well past week. How his doc appointment is end month. But....i also didn't expect to be blessed with such an adorable baby, a really smiley smiley one with tons of hair and such a loving nature. Dun get Mummy wrong Gabe, i DO NOT regret having you. Mummy's just thinking back, that's all.

So here we go, you have to work hard Gabe. WE have to work hard.