24th June 2011, one of those days I wish never existed....
We got a call from Dr Hayashi saying that Gabe's blood test was out and he wished to speak to us...Terry & I were so anxious all the way to the hospital. When we got there, Dr told us to go to the meeting room to edxplain the results, and there n then, Terry & I looked at each other and i said "This doesn't look too good".
When we got to the room, he explained that Gabe tested positive for Down Syndrome...we were in disbelief, shell shocked though we did as this question "what if" few days ago. But hearing this confirmation was like a death blow. I was silent, stoned, not sure if i was dreaming. The doc explained the meaning of the results and the associated problems Gabe may have. I already knew what DS meant and what type of problems Gabe may have in the future. It would be a long journey ahead.
I cried when i went back to see Gabe, so small and helpless. A heart defect was bad enough, but now, DS....Hubby was stronger and more positive, but deep down i knew he was devastated as well. We do not know yet if either of us has this gene or it was a chance coincidence. We're still waiting for the detailed test due out in 3 weeks time.
I kept thinking, this must all be a joke. How could so many things hapen so suddenly? Why Gabe? We tried for so long to get pregnant and I even went through a miscarriage, a tube test, ate various fertility meds and even tried Chinese herbs and acupuncture to conceive Gabe. After more than 2 years, we finally got pregnant and we're dealt with such a cruel blow...life isn't fair..
I did the triple screen test and the results came back low risk, though now the doctor's words came back to haunt me: Low risk does not mean NO RISK...but at that time, it was good enough for us, so we did not proceed to do any further testing.
Looking back, Gabe's conception was all in God's timing and special because i knew that i was pregnant way before any test could even determine it. I just knew because this tiny voice kept whispering to me and just 2 weeks before that, we already booked an appointment to do an AI, but decided to try naturally one last time since the timing was about the same. And true enough, i was pregnant when we tested later.
Gabe really is God's gift to us and if so, then God has blessed us with this beautiful baby and whatever the results, he was meant to be ours. We're still adjusting to the news, looking up information on the internet to prepare ourselves for what lies ahead. I want the best for Gabe and that means starting early to give him a head start and help him be the best that he can be.
I know that he will never lack in love, for my family members, Thank God for them, have said they will love Gabe no matter what and we'll all get through this somehow. They have been praying for Gabe and believing that miracles can happen, that God will not forsake us in times when we need him. Terry & I will just have to trust in Him and have faith that God has blessed us with this special baby for a greater purpose and reason, one that we cannot see right now, but will become clear in time.
I love how Viv said " I believe God somehow knows that you have the capacity and strength to be the best mom to Gabe.......We will not love him any less".....And Rach who said "We will all love Gabe as he is....makes me wanna love and protect Gabe so much more". And Daddy's very touching email telling us that "even when we are facing difficulties & problems we should hold God to His word and Promise that He will not forsake us in our times of need...We will pray for the minus that befall us He will turn it into a plus".
Darling Gabe,
You will never lack love that is for sure, everyone will love you for who you are, a special lil baby who just needs a lil more attention, love and care.
Mummy & Daddy are truly thankful for you and no matter how tough the journey gets, the 3 of us will stay strong, we will ask God for miracles to happen and seek His guidance. Something good will surely come out of all this, I am sure.
We will teach you & nurture you with all we have, we'll give you the best that we can and we will all get through this with His love.
Luff
Mummy & Daddy
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