The Day Before...

It's the day before the surgery and Gabe has been prepped, he is on the respirator and mildly sedated. HIs operation is at 8.30am and we will see him at 8am then wait for about 4 hours until the op is over whereby the surgeon will then brief us. If all is well, he can go back to the PICU to recover for at least 2 weeks and if he is stable, we can bring him home then.

We're all cheering u on baby boy, but you gotta be strong & fight. It breaks our hearts to see you all hooked up on the machine. Uncle Ken was here baby to say a prayer for you.

If Mummy could wish for anything, it would be a magic wand so that i can wish away all your sickness and every other lil kid that has Down Syndrome too. But i don't have that wand baby, so i'll just pray extra hard to God that He will look after you during the op and watch over you, so that you will come out of that operating room healthy & safe. God is more powerful than the magic wand baby and He is always here for us.

When you are well, Mummy has already planned a tripp for all 3 of us to a sunny beachy place where we can just play all day and be together. Daddy's pocket is gonna have a big hole, but i'm sure he doesn't mind:)....right Daddy???

We luff u so very much, Gabe, get well soon

Perfect Lil Bub

Today was one of our best days. When we visited Gabe today, he was awake for the whole 1.5 hrs we were there. Previously, we always caught him while he was asleep, so today we were delighted to see our son awake and we just spent time staring into each other's eyes.

And, he was all pouty today and fidgety, gave a few small cries too. First, thank goodness Daddy asked to check his nappy, coz he had poo poo in it, so obviously that was one of the reasons Gabe was upset. Thanks Daddy!! Secondly i think he was too warm all wrapped up in those silly thick towels, so the nurse got him a cool pillow to cool off and he was much better. But still a bit fussy, scrunching his face often.

It was precious seeing this side of our baby as we'd always only see him sleeping and quiet. I couldn't stop staring at him, this cute adorable boy. I love his lil toes and hands, and mostly his cute chubby cheeks. Makes me wanna steal him from the hospital and bring him home to my bed, and have the 3 of us snuggle up together.

Surgery Change

Gabriel's surgery was originally scheduled to be on the 14th June 2011. However, this evening when we visited him, Dr Hayashi informed us that the team had a discussion and agreed to bring forward the surgery to this Friday, 1st July 2011.

Reson being is that Gabe's respiration is increasing, meaning his heart is now working harder to pump oxygen to his lungs. This is not good as it could lead to complicated heart problems and respiratory distress.

Therefore they felt it would be safer to operate on him sooner. We will be meeting with the cardiac surgeon on Thursday evening to discuss the surgery and ask the surgeon any questions we have.

Please pray for Gabe that he will be safe and the operation will be a success.

Baby Boy,

Mummy and Daddy and the whole Yap clan will definetely be praying very very hard for you. It's hard to see youhave to go through this but it's for your own good and we have to be positive that after the op, you'll rest and recover, and soon we can bring you home where you will be in Mummy's arms...rest well baby and stay strong, you must be a fighter like Mummy & Daddy.

When Your World Falls Apart

24th June 2011, one of those days I wish never existed....

We got a call from Dr Hayashi saying that Gabe's blood test was out and he wished to speak to us...Terry & I were so anxious all the way to the hospital. When we got there, Dr told us to go to the meeting room to edxplain the results, and there n then, Terry & I looked at each other and i said "This doesn't look too good".

When we got to the room, he explained that Gabe tested positive for Down Syndrome...we were in disbelief, shell shocked though we did as this question "what if" few days ago. But hearing this confirmation was like a death blow. I was silent, stoned, not sure if i was dreaming. The doc explained the meaning of the results and the associated problems Gabe may have. I already knew what DS meant and what type of problems Gabe may have in the future. It would be a long journey ahead.

I cried when i went back to see Gabe, so small and helpless. A heart defect was bad enough, but now, DS....Hubby was stronger and more positive, but deep down i knew he was devastated as well. We do not know yet if either of us has this gene or it was a chance coincidence. We're still waiting for the detailed test due out in 3 weeks time.

I kept thinking, this must all be a joke. How could so many things hapen so suddenly? Why Gabe? We tried for so long to get pregnant and I even went through a miscarriage, a tube test, ate various fertility meds and even tried Chinese herbs and acupuncture to conceive Gabe. After more than 2 years, we finally got pregnant and we're dealt with such a cruel blow...life isn't fair..

I did the triple screen test and the results came back low risk, though now the doctor's words came back to haunt me: Low risk does not mean NO RISK...but at that time, it was good enough for us, so we did not proceed to do any further testing.

Looking back, Gabe's conception was all in God's timing and special because i knew that i was pregnant way before any test could even determine it. I just knew because this tiny voice kept whispering to me and just 2 weeks before that, we already booked an appointment to do an AI, but decided to try naturally one last time since the timing was about the same. And true enough, i was pregnant when we tested later.

Gabe really is God's gift to us and if so, then God has blessed us with this beautiful baby and whatever the results, he was meant to be ours. We're still adjusting to the news, looking up information on the internet to prepare ourselves for what lies ahead. I want the best for Gabe and that means starting early to give him a head start and help him be the best that he can be.

I know that he will never lack in love, for my family members, Thank God for them, have said they will love Gabe no matter what and we'll all get through this somehow. They have been praying for Gabe and believing that miracles can happen, that God will not forsake us in times when we need him. Terry & I will just have to trust in Him and have faith that God has blessed us with this special baby for a greater purpose and reason, one that we cannot see right now, but will become clear in time.

I love how Viv said " I believe God somehow knows that you have the capacity and strength to be the best mom to Gabe.......We will not love him any less".....And Rach who said "We will all love Gabe as he is....makes me wanna love and protect Gabe so much more". And Daddy's very touching email telling us that "even when we are facing difficulties & problems we should hold God to His word and Promise that He will not forsake us in our times of need...We will pray for the minus that befall us He will turn it into a plus".

Darling Gabe,

You will never lack love that is for sure, everyone will love you for who you are, a special lil baby who just needs a lil more attention, love and care.

Mummy & Daddy are truly thankful for you and no matter how tough the journey gets, the 3 of us will stay strong, we will ask God for miracles to happen and seek His guidance. Something good will surely come out of all this, I am sure.

We will teach you & nurture you with all we have, we'll give you the best that we can and we will all get through this with His love.

Luff

Mummy & Daddy

Unexpected

I had just given birth less than 2 hours ago and was dead tired due to the sleepless night before and the fairly long labour. Hubby was just as tired too, watching all the events unfold and cheering me on. But we felt so happy & blessed to see our newborn baby. After the birth, i was allowed back to my room to rest. So, i happily prepared to go to bed, while the Hubby said he will wait because the nurse had told us earlier that a doctor was being called as Gabe had some low blood sugar.....we didn't know what that meant but thought "Oh, okay shouldn't be too serious".

Little did we know the nurse came into our room later and told us the doctor wanted to see both parents. That should have set off alarm bells, but i was so tired i cooudn't even think properly. So off we went to the nursery where Gabe was and they lead us to where he was. I was surprised to see him hooked up to a machine, and thought, is this the normal checking procedure? The doctor then came and told us that his oxygen levels are around 75% and that is not a good sign at all. She explained it in Japanese, but i had learnt basic Jap to know some words and heard "not good at all".....She told us he may have a defect with either his lungs or heart. My heart just sank hearing that...no, it's not possible....she then told us he had to be transferred to a hospital with an ICU. That's when we realised the severity of the situation and i just cried...I mean here's my baby, just born less than 3 hours ago, i was supposed to be holding him in my arms feeding him...not seeing him hooked up to some scary looking machine.

They informed us that an ambulance had been called and they would transfer him to Tokyo University Hospital, where they have specialists there. Hubby decided he would go with Gabe, but i had to stay back at the hospital. I could feel my heart breaking as they took Gabe away.

Went back to my room crying my eyes out. Could not sleep at all.

Next morning, i went to see him at the NICU, my poor baby. Hubby told me yesterdy the doctor said Gabe has a heart defect that involved a hole in the heart. More would be explained to us when the doctor arrived.

Dr Hayashi came and ushered us into the meeting room and told us that our son has a congenital heart defect known as Pulmonary Atresia with Ventral Septal Defect. In plain words, this means he has 2 problems associated with the heart:

1) Hole in the heart

2) His pulmonary valve was not functioning

So all this explains why his oxygen levels were low because the good blood carrying the good oxygen were not getting routed to his lungs. Terry & I were still digesting all these new information thrown to us and wondered how our son could have such a defect unnoticed and more importantly what was going to happen. We were still in a daze, i was turning into a zombie soon due to lack of rest n sleep.

Dr Hayashi told us that for the moment Gabe was being given medicine to keep his Ductus Arteriosus open to allow blood flow. This duct should have closed shortly after birth, but due to his condition, it's being kept open. Gabe would have to undergo an operation to insert an artificial shunt (BT shunt) to redirect the blood flow as the ductus cannot be kept open for long. The operation would be performed on 11th July 2011, depending on his health and weight, so it was crucial for him to drink as much as possible and gain weight. Then, he'd have to have another op before 1 yrs old to mend the hole in his heart.

Terry & I were just dumbfounded. All this on our baby, who was not even 1 month old yet. To say we were devastated would be an understatement. But, we'd have to take it one step at a time.

Gabe is later then transferred to the normal ICU as his condition was stable enough. So Terry & i ferry between home & the hospital. Before going to work Terry brings Gabe's milk to him, then in the evenings, he'd come pick me from home, then we'd go together with the evening's milk supply. We were allowed to hold Gabe and that made the tiring trips all worthwhile. I was determined to provide him with enough breastmilk to keep him strong, so i have been diligently pumping every 2 hours or so, and thank God for mummy who is here to help out, she's been making me papaya fish soup and many other drinks to boost my milk supply.

Gabe Sweetie,

Mummy & Daddy loves u so so much. You have to be strong & healthy for the op, Ok? drink lots of milk, Mummy is a capable cow, dun worry. I'll make sure there's more than enuff milk for you.

We can't wait to bring you back home soon. We pray for you everyday, hoping that your condition will stay stable and the operation will be successful.

We miss you everyday, can't wait to have u back home baby

Luff

Mum & Dad

The Wait is Over....

After 9 months of carrying my special prince, we decided to have a induced labour as in Japan, they do not have 24hrs epidural, so my gynae needed to time it accordingly. I did think of not having the epi, but i chickened out in the end for fear of being traumatised. Besides, i watched too many You Tube videos of natural births with no epi and man, was it scaryyyyy.

So, Terry & i decided to induce our bub starting 13th June 2011 and anticipated his arrival to be on 14th June 2011. And my delightful (i kinda think he likes to see me suffer) gynae told us he would use the 'Laminaria Sticks" method of induction first. I just stared at him thinking "Okayyy, now that doesn't sound too good"...sure enough, he gave us some reading materials and apparently these sticks were made of dried seaweed which resembles little toothpicks. Once inserted, the will slowly absorb in the moisture/liquid from the cervix area and slowly expand to dilate the area slowly. My gynae says this way the process is less painful & induction is faster, coupled with the drip method. In case you are curious, here's what it looks like :



Events of birth as follows:

13th June 2011

3pm-5pm:

Check-in to hospital & neccessary procedures performed

5.30pm-6.30pm:

Gynae arrives smiling away, tells me Ok time for laminaria sticks & epidural prep (i start to panick bad thinking about the pain). Watch too many Youtube epidural videos...turns out wasn't so painful after all, just a lil prick!!! happy happy...but Hubby later told me it was really scary seeing the needle.

Next on, gynae came in, inserted 9 (NINE)!!!! lami sticks into me....slight pain, but mostly uncomfortable.

6.30pm onwards

Rest in delivery ward. Couldn't sleep entire night, kept going to bathroom to pee and also feeling very nervous. Sent the Hubs home to rest.

14th June 2011

7am

Ate brekkie, was so hungry

9am

Hubby came. The it was time to take out the lami sticks & surprise surprise, i was 3cm dilated by then!! yay!!!! Gynae said well done...so far no pain. They then proceeded to start drip to induce labour.

10am-2pm

Before the drip i already felt irregular painless contractions, but once the drip started, within 10 minutes, my contractions was 2-3 times more intense & frequent. But still bearable. But by 12pm, the pain was quite bad, i asked for epi, they were reluctant. Checked and i was still 3cm dilated!!!! I couldn't believe it, it was painful and i had been there for few hours, still 3cm???? I was starting to panick. Couldn't imagine myself being in labour for 48 hours....Told me to hang in there, epi could not be given yet......

So being a trooper, i hung in there, but by 2pm, the contractions were so intense & frequent that i couldn't take it anymore & got the hubby to get them to gimme the EPI ASAP. I can't really describe the pain, but it's like your whole stomach cramping up and then you feel something pushing against your cervix. I was hanging onto the bedsheets for dear life and crying by then. The Hubby i think played a very smart move throughout, he didn't say much, some word of enouragement and some occassional rubbing, which i scolded him not to. But overall i was sooo glad he was there.

After the epi started it was heaven. Pain is there, but so much more bearable. By then i was 7cm dilated!! Can't believe i made it there without epi. But by 8pm my contractions didnt get strong enough, so nurse told me they would need to help pull baby out.

Finally, at 8.25pm, our first born beautiful baby boy Gabriel On Zhen Yu was born....weighing 3.09kg, a chubby adorable lil bub, our lil precious boy. Mum n Dad loves u baby.